Author Archives: keith

Immigration Humanity in the United States of America

A healthy dose of immigration humanity is needed in the United States.
I just saw the best TED Talk I’ve seen in a while.  That’s saying something!
Juan Enriquez delivered a heartfelt plea for immigration humanity.

Immigration humanity at the US-Mexico border is not a partisan issue.  It is a human issue.

1.  the human race; human beings collectively.
         “appalling crimes against humanity”
humankind, the human race, the human species, mankind, man, people, mortals, Homo Sapiens

the animal kingdom

          2.  humaneness; benevolence.
         “he praised them for their standards of humanity, care, and dignity”

Most (I would hope all) of the people I know would be sickened at the site of child abduction, regardless of their party or politics.

Please join me to introduce immigration humanity.  Contact your Federal Representatives.

Happy Mother's Day - Fav Flower Madeira | by Art4TheGlryOfGod by Sharon for Happy Mother's Day Cindy post

Winning the lottery. Happy Mother’s Day, Cindy

Happy Mother’s Day, Cindy.  Thank you for raising a fine family.

Right from the start, you did things right.  Though you seldom drank alcohol and when you did drink it wasn’t much, you quit entirely the moment you knew our first was on the way.  You quit smoking at the same time and, kudos to you, you’ve remained a non-smoker.  Beyond those fundamentals, you did so much more.  Thank you.

One of the things I love most among the many qualities of how our kids were raised is reading.  I’ve often remarked to anyone who’d listen that our kids were read to for an hour-plus a day for most of the days of the year, every year, from the time they were born through early grade school years.  You did that.  Thank you.

Our kids love good food.  Not just food that tastes good.  Healthful good food.  They appreciate great tomatoes and peppers and herbs and more right from the garden.  How many kids love their vegetables?  Now, as adults, they eat balanced diets of quality foods.  Thank you.

I looked to one of my favorite sites this morning for inspiration for a Mother’s Day message to you today, Cindy.  I found it straight away.  Turns out, Cindy, there’s a reason our daughters sound just like you.  There’s a reason all of our kids are gifted.  They started learning in the womb.  Thank you.

There’s a great playlist of Mother’s Day-related talks at:

Talks by fierce moms

Mothers have so many roles: nurturer, provider, disciplinarian, confidant, mentor, friend, protector. These incredible talks demonstrate all of the above.

Happy Mother’s Day, Cindy

Happy Mother's Day - Fav Flower Madeira | by Art4TheGlryOfGod by Sharon for Happy Mother's Day Cindy post

Happy Mother’s Day, Cindy

Thank you for helping our kids and I win the lottery of life, Cindy.  You are a great Mom.

Happy Mother’s Day, Cindy.



Blockchain Defined – The Future Is Here


Blockchain :: how will this technology affect your business, your industry, and your life?

The last chapter of my book, WebForging, begins by saying, “The future is here.  The rest is coming fast.”   This TED Talk I viewed 10 minutes ago about Blockchain clearly illustrates my premise about the future.

The TED Description of this Talk says:

  What is the blockchain? If you don’t know, you should; if you do, chances are you still need some clarification on how it actually works. Don Tapscott is here to help, demystifying this world-changing, trust-building technology which, he says, represents nothing less than the second generation of the internet and holds the potential to transform money, business, government and society.

Picture of Blockchain Presenter

Don Tapscott

The presenter, Don Tapscott, wrote a book called The Blockchain Revolution.  Learn more about him at

A bit of his bio from TED:

A leading analyst of innovation and the impacts of technology, Don Tapscott has authored or co-authored 15 books about various aspects of the reshaping of our society and economy. His work Wikinomics counts among the most influential business books of the last decade.

The Future is Here – Blockchain

As I say in WebForging, the best book to ground you in an understanding of the differences in production and economics between the physical and the virtual world is Being Digital, by Nicholas Negroponte.   Start there or jump straight into Blockchain to learn how your future will be impacted by technology.


That’s it for today.  Getting ready for the Milwaukee River Cruise Tomorrow!  More info on that at


Audible Books – – Best of the Web

Audible Books – – Best of the Web

I’ve recommended Audible Books forever.  I’ve been saying this for years: is one of the best sites on the web.  That was true even when the site was much slower and clunkier than other great e-commerce sites.

With Audible’s acquisition by Amazon, has only gotten better.  I used to have to do a dual search on Audible and on because the reviews on Amazon were far greater, in quantity and quality.  Now Audible Books lists both sets of reviews right at!
>>Try Audible and Get Two Free Audiobooks   <<<

What am I getting?

  • Includes two free audiobooks with your free trial.
  • Choose from 180,000+ best sellers, new releases sci-fi, romances, mysteries, classics, and more.
  • After 30 days, get 1 book each month, $14.95/month
  • Cancel easily anytime. Your books are yours to keep, even if you cancel.

The great thing about Audible is that you can:
Stream the book and listen from your computer
and / or you can download and listen from your MP3 Player, iPod, smartphone, tablet, or computer
and / or you can burn to a disc and listen on your home or car stereo
and – when you’re all done, your audible book is still in your library awaiting your next listen, in any format(s) you choose!

My reading goal for many years was 25 books per year.  When I discovered Audible Books at least twelve or  fifteen years ago, I was able to increase my annual reading goal to 50 books!  I’m able to “read” many more books by listening (while driving, showering, working, etc.) than ever before.   Moreover, I find myself listening actively two, three or more times to particularly interesting and salient information, often taking notes as I do so.  Great for business reading!

By the way, Audible Books are a great value!  I average about $10 per book by buying in bulk and by taking advantage of 3 books for 2 credits type deals.

Keith Klein hosting Wisconsin Business Owners Lunch & Learn

Keith Klein hosting Wisconsin Business Owners Lunch & Learn

Keith Klein
Owner, OnYourMark, LLC
Author, WebForging, A Practical Guide to the Art of Forging Your Web Presence

Note: the link gives me a nominal affiliate credit for your free try and/or purchase of Audible Books.  I would recommend them (I have recommended them for years) even without the free Audio Books link.

Best Media, Best of the Internet –

Best Media –

20 Most Popular TED Talks, Best Media, Best of the Internet - - Keith Klein

Best Media, Best of the Internet – – Keith Klein

I’m working on Labor Day weekend.  Enjoying it or I wouldn’t be working all three days of the long weekend.  Nevertheless, to break it up I decided to treat myself to some TED Talks while I work.

I learned about TED at least five or six years ago.  Maybe more.  The night I discovered TED, I was so consumed by the ideas and the speakers that I watched it all night long.  I had calls with prospects and clients scheduled the whole next day.  I thought about getting sleep.  The energy produced adrenalin that took me through the night.  That TED experience translated into four wonderful conversations with four great clients about four different topics experienced on TED the night before.  One of those was a prospect when we met that day. They’ve been a client ever since.  I’ve been a TED evangelist ever since.

I logged onto TED this morning and found The most popular talks of all time.

I’m watching more than I bargained for!

I’m a fan of several of the top 20 already.  One of them is my all-time favorite.  I shared it with more people than any other.  That is Jill BolteTaylor’s, My Stroke of Insight.  Please give that one a listen (below).   Combine that with Why we do what we do from Tony Robbins, and one or two of your choice from the top 20, and you may find yourself as big a TED junkie as me.

Why TED is the Best Media

Ideas worth spreading.  That’s the slogan.  More than a slogan, it is what they present!

Powerful presenters.  The top minds and talents in their fields, with practiced energy.

Focused Presentations.  90% or more of TED presentations are 18 minutes or less.  This is the reason we keep presentations at Wisconsin Business Owners to thirty minutes, including a dozen minutes of Q & A.  If you can’t get your point across in eighteen minutes, you’re not practiced enough.

Production Values.  Staging, lighting, camera work and sound are produced beautifully.

User Interface.  I like the search function, the groupings and the ease of sharing.

Emotion & Spirituality.  As  Jill Bolte Taylor’s My Stroke of Insight illustrates most profoundly, and Tony Robbins’ Why we do what we do actually examines, the emotion and spirituality we bring to the table is what makes the difference in what we are, to ourselves, and to one-another.

 Best Media

In conclusion, the best minds give focused presentations on “ideas worth spreading” with great production values and awesome emotion and spirituality.  That’s why TED is the Best Media.


Music, in this Ode to the Brain Remix by Symphony of Science, shows why Jill Bolte Taylor’s TED Talk is a personal favorite.

About half or more of the speakers in the remix are remixed from their TED talk.  Take advantage of the best media out there.  It costs $6,000 to attend a TED conference.  Yet the presentations are available to all of us here for free.

Reuben Klein, Lumberjack, aka Grandpa Klein

Reuben Klein, Lumberjack

I DVR a lot of TV.  Mostly interview shows and music shows and a ton of Book TV.  And Around the Corner with John McGivern.   I listen more than I watch.  On a Sunday, a few days before my Grandson Noah Klein was born, I was startled to see my Grandpa on TV!

I was catching up on a few episodes of Around the Corner.  I was particularly enjoying this one, an hour-long special with John Gurda.  John Gurda wrote a few books I read for a class enjoyed at UW-Milwaukee, “Milwaukee, Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow,” taught by Frank Zeidler, the last socialist mayor of Milwaukee.

Roughly two-thirds of the way into the episode, Gurda and McGivern went from Milwaukee to Chippewa Falls.  That’s where my Grandma Mabel and Grandpa Reuben Klein were from, and where they are buried.

This portion of the show used the Ken Burns pan-and-scan videography effect on old lumberjacking photos,  I got up from my desk and went to my easy chair to watch.  Some of the photos looked like they were the same vintage – maybe even by the same photographer – as old photographs I have.  The conversation between McGivern and Gurda was great.  As the photos became more familiar I really focused in on this portion of the program…then I let out a holler that scared the dog and the wife about equally, “My Grandpa’s on TV!”

Reuben Klein Logging Northern Wisconsin.  Grandpa Klein is standing on the second log up.  Find the fellow in the foreground with a shovel.  Reuben Klein is the man directly above him.

Reuben Klein Logging Northern Wisconsin. Grandpa Klein is standing on the second log up. Find the fellow in the right-foreground resting a hand on a handle. Reuben Klein is the man directly above him.

Sure enough, there was Reuben Klein! My Grandpa, in the exact same picture as the framed 8 x 10 within arm’s reach of my chair on the wall in my home office!

I was overwhelmed, watching it over and over.  (Still have it on the DVR, even though I have the web link.)  I’ve shown it to everyone who will look.  I thought about it the night Noah was born.  His grandfather’s grandfather was on TV!

I’m lucky to have a few 8 x 10 pictures from that lumber camp.  One photo is that of the half-underground, sod-covered structures that were the heart of the camp – the cook shanty / mess hall and the barracks .  The other photo (also framed on my home office wall) is that of just one other fellow and my Grandpa.  They have about a ten foot, double-handled saw blade halfway through a four-foot diameter tree trunk.  Ice hangs from the other fellow’s mustache.  Grandpa’s flannel overshirt is open halfway down the front, no doubt because they were warm from the work.

Those pictures remind me of the stories I heard from Grandpa, and later Grandma Klein and my Dad, Lloyd Klein.  Grandpa was about 18 in those pictures.  He stood 6′ 6″ and weighed 250 pounds without a hint of fat on his frame.  He worked from sunrise to sundown for $1 a day.  There are more stories I’d like to share one day.

Tune in at the 41 minute, 11 second mark in this video to pick up on the Chippewa Falls segment.   That’s where my interest picked up from the audio (wonderfully done throughout) to the audio and video.

At about 43 m, 12 s, the conversation turns to the historic lumber industry in Wisconsin.  I love listening to all of this portion because the lead-in to my Grandpa’s photo rings so true of the history I’ve heard.  This is where Paul Bunyan was born.  These lumberjacks were Wisconsin’s cowboys.

Fascinating history here.  At one time about a thousand saw mills in Wisconsin.  By 1890, a quarter of the wages in the entire state were paid by the lumber industry.

Reuben Klein appears at the 46:26 mark in the video.

Thank you so much John Gurda.  You too, John McGivern.  Your show is wonderful.  You made this grandson’s – and new grand-dad’s – day!

See MPTV, Milwaukee Public Television, at

Around the Corner with John McGivern is at

John Gurda, writer and historian, has a web presence at  Gurda’s wikipedia entry is at

Stephen Wright-isms

Some good Steven Wright-isms 

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?


Cleaning up old email and found this set of Stephen Wright-isms I emailed to myself from

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

I intend to live forever – so far, so good.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up. 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

Change is inevitable….except from vending machines.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Borrow money from pessimists-they don’t expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

On the other hand, you have different fingers. — Steven Wright

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?” — Steven Wright

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. — Steven Wright

Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth.
On the back it said, “Wish you were here.”
— Steven Wright

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
— Steven Wright

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone. — Steven Wright

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
— Steven Wright

“Did you sleep well?” “No, I made a couple of mistakes.” — Steven Wright

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments. — Steven Wright

My socks DO match. They’re the same thickness. — Steven Wright

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn’t going to be on the road an hour. — Steven Wright

I have two very rare photographs.
One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car.
The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
— Steven Wright

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died.
— Steven Wright

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.
You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.
— Steven Wright

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.
— Steven Wright

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. — Steven Wright

It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.
— Steven Wright

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
— Steven Wright

What’s another word for Thesaurus? — Steven Wright

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot,
then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I’m leaving.
— Steven Wright

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms
with me. I said, “Well, what do you need?” — Steven Wright

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? — Steven Wright

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
— Steven Wright

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
— Steven Wright

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
— Steven Wright

I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I
stood in line for some cake. They said, “Do you want white cake or chocolate
cake?” I said, “yes”. — Steven Wright

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I’m good, she’ll
give me the other one next year. — Steven Wright

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, “What for?”
I said, “I’m going to buy some sugar.” — Steven Wright

I eat swiss cheese from the inside out. — Steven Wright

I had amnesia once or twice. — Steven Wright

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar. — Steven Wright

I got a chain letter by fax. It’s very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to
everybody on the list. — Steven Wright

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They
went “Aaaaahhhh…” — Steven Wright

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn’t go up the stairs.
— Steven Wright

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky
must get awfully crowded. — Steven Wright

I brought a mirror to Lovers’ Lane. I told everybody I’m Narcissus.
— Steven Wright

You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and
then you remember it really is? I’m like that all the time.
— Steven Wright

How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?
— Steven Wright

I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said “pet supplies”. So I did.
Then I went outside and saw a sign that said “compact cars”.
— Steven Wright

The sky already fell. Now what? — Steven Wright

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
— Steven Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn’t
see any forests. — Steven Wright

If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?
— Steven Wright

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old
lady had to help me across the street. — Steven Wright

If you write the word “monkey” a million times, do you start to think you’re
Shakespeare? — Steven Wright

You know how it is when you’re reading a book and falling asleep, you’re
reading, reading…and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I’m
like that all the time. — Steven Wright

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It’s in the apartment
somewhere. — Steven Wright

Smoking cures weight problems…eventually… — Steven Wright

I had fried octopus last night. You have to be really quiet when you eat it.
Otherwise, it emits a cloud of black smoke and falls on the floor.
— Steven Wright

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, “what for?”
— Steven Wright

I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare. — Steven Wright

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
— Steven Wright

I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
— Steven Wright

I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all
day. When I got home the front door wouldn’t open. — Steven Wright

I got a garage door opener. It can’t close. Just open. — Steven Wright

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment,
and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that’s part of the experiment?
I’m like that all the time. — Steven Wright

I went over to the neighbor’s and asked to borrow a cup of salt. “What are you
making?” “A salt lick.” — Steven Wright

There aren’t enough days in the weekend. — Steven Wright

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors.
The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. — Steven Wright

Sally plays strip poker. Whenever she loses, she has to put something on.
— Steven Wright

The sky is falling…no, I’m tipping over backwards. — Steven Wright

Droughts are because god didn’t pay his water bill. — Steven Wright

Is “tired old cliche” one? — Steven Wright

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
— Steven Wright

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
— Steven Wright

It only rains straight down. God doesn’t do windows. — Steven Wright

When I get bored I go to a Seven-Eleven and ask for a two-by-four and a box of
three-by-fives. — Steven Wright

The sign said “eight items or less”. So I changed my name to Les.
— Steven Wright

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it
was none of my business. — Steven Wright

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it
back. — Steven Wright

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period.
Every crime ends with a sentence. — Steven Wright

I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches. — Steven Wright

I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine. — Steven Wright

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader’s Digest on microfilm. By
the time I got the machine set up, I was done. — Steven Wright

Yesterday I found out what doughnuts are for. You put them on doughbolts.
They hold dough airplanes together. For kids, they make erector sets out of
play-dough. — Steven Wright

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit
gum. — Steven Wright

I went to a garage sale. “How much for the garage?” “It’s not for sale.”
— Steven Wright

I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart. — Steven Wright

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. He hates New York.
— Steven Wright

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of
sugar. “You didn’t borrow this.” “I will.” — Steven Wright

I had my coathangers spayed. — Steven Wright

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
— Steven Wright

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa
Claus is missing. — Steven Wright

I went to a fancy french restaurant called “Deja Vu.” The headwaiter said,
“Don’t I know you?” — Steven Wright

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle. — Steven Wright

I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I
can ride a unicycle. — Steven Wright

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the
prescription ran out. — Steven Wright

I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it. — Steven Wright

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on
TV was confused. “It was supposed to be hot today.” — Steven Wright

I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said
to the guy, “Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is
traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything
happen?” He said, “I don’t know.” I said, “I don’t want your job.”
— Steven Wright

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope.
“We’re surrounded.” — Steven Wright

I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn’t notice until I
got it set up. People complained because they couldn’t see the lake.
— Steven Wright

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year.
I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
— Steven Wright

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the
ocean would be if that didn’t happen. — Steven Wright

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
— Steven Wright

It’s a fine night to have an evening. — Steven Wright

Even snakes are afraid of snakes. — Steven Wright

I can’t stop thinking like this. — Steven Wright

This isn’t all true. — Steven Wright

You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top,
and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
— Steven Wright

I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet. — Steven Wright

Tinsel is really snakes’ mirrors. — Steven Wright

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and
looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years
later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their
deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, “So.
What did you think?” — Steven Wright

My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn’t have any hands or numbers. He says
it’s very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told
me. — Steven Wright

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.
— Steven Wright

What are imitation rhinestones? — Steven Wright

If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?
— Steven Wright

If God dropped acid, would he see people? — Steven Wright

In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often
I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a
woman in Madagascar. She said, “Cut it out.” — Steven Wright

It’s a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they’d just stay
right up there. Hunters would be all confused. — Steven Wright

I wrote a few children’s books…not on purpose. — Steven Wright

I wrote a song, but I can’t read music so I don’t know what it it. Every once
in a while I’ll be listening to the radio and I say, “I think I might have
written that.” — Steven Wright

“So, do you live around here often?” — Steven Wright

I got up one morning, couldn’t find my socks, so I called Information. She
said, “Hello, Information.” I said, “I can’t find my socks.” She said,
“They’re behind the couch.” And they were! — Steven Wright

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box.
I was an only child….eventually. — Steven Wright

[Referring to a glass of water[] 
I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don’t trust anybody!
— Steven Wright

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet
Earth taken from space. On the back it said, “Wish you were here.”
— Steven Wright

I’m moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes… — Steven Wright

It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it. — Steven Wright

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. — Steven Wright

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, “What for?”
I said, “I’m going to buy some sugar.” — Steven Wright

I saw a bank that said “24 Hour Banking”, but I don’t have that much time.
— Steven Wright

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues
that are in all the other museums. — Steven Wright

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings…
Boy With Pail… Kitten On Fire. — Steven Wright

I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered
French Toast during the Renaissance. — Steven Wright

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the
shape of an Ouija board. You’d think about what kind of food you want, and the
table would move across the floor to it. — Steven Wright

I went to a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically.
— Steven Wright

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, “If I melt
dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?” — Steven Wright

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5’s. The clerk said,
“ten-four.” — Steven Wright

I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said “pet supplies”. So I did.
Then I went outside and saw a sign that said “compact cars”. — Steven Wright

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was
locking the front door. I said, “Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.” He
said, “Yes, but not in a row.” — Steven Wright

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they
can help me, and I say, “Have you got anything I’d like?” Then they ask me
what size I need, and I say, “Extra medium.” — Steven Wright

I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, “It’s
free with purchase.” I asked her if anyone bought anything today.
— Steven Wright

I met this wonderful girl at Macy’s. She was buying clothes and I was putting
Slinkies on the escalator. — Steven Wright

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were
trapped on the escalators. — Steven Wright

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap
department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know
when to stop unwrapping. — Steven Wright

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier…I put them in the same
room and let them fight it out. — Steven Wright

Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press? I don’t get it…
— Steven Wright

I couldn’t find the remote control to the remote control. — Steven Wright

I invented the cordless extension cord. — Steven Wright

I saw a close friend of mine the other day… He said, “Stephen, why haven’t
you called me?” I said, “I can’t call everyone I want. My new phone has no
five on it.” He said, “How long have you had it?” I said, “I don’t know…
my calendar has no sevens on it.” — Steven Wright

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They
went “Aaaaahhhh…” — Steven Wright

Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, “Hello?” and I said,
“Hello, could I speak to Joey?”… They said, “Uh… I don’t think so…
he’s only 2 months old.” I said, “I’ll wait.” — Steven Wright

I don’t like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish
tank. I can’t hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this
<<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store — “Gimme another ten guppies, I
got a lotta calls yesterday.” — Steven Wright

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It’s in the apartment
somewhere. — Steven Wright

I installed a skylight in my apartment…The people who live above me are
furious! — Steven Wright

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs
synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a
department store…with a pricing gun. She said, “Give me all of the money in
the vault, or I’m marking down everything in the store.” — Steven Wright

In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often
I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a
woman in Germany. She said, “Cut it out.” — Steven Wright

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real
brick wall, just so I’d be the only one who knew. People come over and I’m
gonna say, “Go ahead, touch it…it feels real.” — Steven Wright

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above…so I never
have to go upstairs. — Steven Wright

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera
to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face.
The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house. — Steven Wright

All the plants in my house are dead—I shot them last night. I was teasing
them by watering them with ice cubes. — Steven Wright

I have a microwave fireplace in my house…The other night I laid down in front
of the fire for the evening in two minutes. — Steven Wright

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity…If you wanted to
run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook,
you had to pull off a sweater real quick. — Steven Wright

I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
— Steven Wright

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape
of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. So I had
to buy them again. — Steven Wright

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood
kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I’ll throw
it at them. — Steven Wright

The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car
keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was
speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, “right
here, officer”. Later, I parked it on the freeway, got out, and yelled at all
the cars, “Get out of my driveway!” — Steven Wright

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don’t really notice, except
I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH. — Steven Wright

For a while I didn’t have a car…I had a helicopter…no place to park it, so
I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running…[slow glance upward]
— Steven Wright

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas,
people behind me stop, and I’m gone. — Steven Wright

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I’m
the only one moving. — Steven Wright

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really
fast, and stick it out the window. I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to
take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica
sounds *amazing*. — Steven Wright

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they
wouldn’t have to go so fast. — Steven Wright

I had to stop driving my car for a while…the tires got dizzy.
— Steven Wright

My neighbor has a circular driveway…he can’t get out. — Steven Wright

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the
place. — Steven Wright

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, “I’m home now. But leave a
message and I’ll call when I’m out.” — Steven Wright

Last year we drove across the country. We switched on the driving…every half
mile…We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip…I don’t
remember what it was. — Steven Wright

I saw a sign: “Rest Area 25 Miles”. That’s pretty big. Some people must be
really tired. — Steven Wright

A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, “Why were you going so fast?” I said,
“See this thing my foot is on? It’s called an accelerator. When you push down
on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off.
And see this thing? This steers it.” — Steven Wright

I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, “Do you know
the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?” “Yes, officer, but I wasn’t going to be
out that long…” — Steven Wright

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you
see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read.”
— Steven Wright

I got my driver’s license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get
pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it
clearly)…and says, “Here, you can go.” — Steven Wright

The judge asked, “What do you plead?” I said, “Insanity, your honour, who in
their right mind would park in the passing lane?” — Steven Wright

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot,
then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I’m leaving.
— Steven Wright

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone…when I came back the entire area
was missing. — Steven Wright

I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, “Steven, time to
go to sleep.” I said, “But I don’t know how.” She said, “It’s real easy.
Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left.” So I went down to the end
of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and
she said “I thought I told you to go to sleep.” — Steven Wright

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it’s
going to be up all night. — Steven Wright

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, “Did you sleep good?” I
said, “No, I made a few mistakes.” — Steven Wright

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. — Steven Wright

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody’s satellite dish.
My dreams were showing up on TV’s all over the world. — Steven Wright

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she’s asleep, I go over
there and write misspelled words on them. — Steven Wright

I got up one morning and couldn’t find my socks, so I called Information. She
said, “Hello, Information.” I said, “I can’t find my socks.” She said,
“They’re behind the couch.” And they were! — Steven Wright

I went into this bar and sat down next to a pretty girl. She looked at me and
said, “Hey, you have two different colored socks on.” I said, “Yeah, I know,
but to me they’re the same because I go by thickness.” — Steven Wright

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to
sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.
— Steven Wright

I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires
backwards. I erased all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he
said, “Hey, these records are all blank.” — Steven Wright

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He
caught every other fish. — Steven Wright

There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an
idiot. — Steven Wright

I bought a dog the other day…I named him Stay. It’s fun to call him…
“Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!” He went insane. Now he just ignores me
and keeps typing. — Steven Wright

I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They had little pictures of cats on
them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. — Steven Wright

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building…on the ledge. Some
people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. — Steven Wright

I spilled spot remover on my dog. He’s gone now. — Steven Wright

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
— Steven Wright

[Referring to a glass of water[] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O.
I don’t trust anybody! — Steven Wright

They say we’re 98% water. We’re that close to drowning…[picks up his glass
of water from the stool]…I like to live on the edge… — Steven Wright

I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add to it.
— Steven Wright

I was born by Caesarian section…but not so you’d notice. It’s just that when
I leave a house, I go out through the window. — Steven Wright

When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five
minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice. — Steven Wright

I didn’t get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You
couldn’t see anything, but every now and then you’d hear this rumbling noise go
by. — Steven Wright


An Injustice. Follow the Money.

An Injustice.  Follow the Money.

The American Experiment is alive, and not well.  At least not well if you’re a black man.

We are the greatest country in the world, in my not-so-humble opinion.  I believed in grade school, junior high and high school – and I believe to this day – that I’m blessed to live in the United States.  Opportunities abound.  Fairness may not always be the case, but it can usually be assumed.  Unless there’s a lot of money at stake.

Though anyone can, indeed, become President, we are not post-racial.  This TED talk does a great job of illustrating injustice.

In 1972, we had 300,000 people incarcerated in the US.  Today that number is 2,300,000.

The United States has 5% of the population; we have 25% of the world’s prison population.

Description from

In an engaging and personal talk — with cameo appearances from his grandmother and Rosa Parks — human rights lawyer Bryan Stevenson shares some hard truths about America’s justice system, starting with a massive imbalance along racial lines: a third of the country’s black male population has been incarcerated at some point in their lives. These issues, which are wrapped up in America’s unexamined history, are rarely talked about with this level of candor, insight and persuasiveness.

I started a new category with this post:  Follow the Money.  Rather than a generic ‘Politics’ category, Social and Follow the Money sum up a lot of observation on government.  I prefer talk about the issues include answers and helpful ideas, not just attacks on ideological opponents.  That, too, is an injustice.


Downsized Workers Ministry, Crown of Compassion

Downsized Workers Ministry

David Henning was a Lutheran elementary school teacher.  He got downsized.  Not nicely.

True to his faith, he coped in good measure by reaching out to help other downsized workers through a largely online Ministry – Crown of Compassion – at http://www.CrownOfCompassion.ORG

David & Vicki Henning

David & Vicki Henning, Champions of Crown of Compassion Ministries – a Downsized Workers Ministry

I’m impressed.  Today’s post, along with a little ‘nudge’ at Facebook, prompted me to write this.  Today’s post:

Downsized Workers Ministry

Though working a full-time gig to pay the bills, David established Crown of Compassion Ministries to “provide daily emotional and spiritual support to disenfranchised church workers by enabling them to connect to each other socially and prayerfully as well as providing resources to help them on their walk in this transitional period as they position themselves to revitalize and revision their ministry.”  

With his partner in life, Vicki Henning, David got 501(c)3 status for Crown of Compassion Ministries.  Still working full-time, he shows Compassion nearly full-time in his downsized workers Ministry.  He’s good at it too.  He reaches out, reads and writes on the topic constantly.  Virtually every day.  Perhaps every day.  If I was on as much of a mission at any site of my own, I’d probably generate more work than I know what to do with.  Yet David does this not to help himself, but to help others.

I’m often wary of folks who wear their religion on their sleeve.  I admire people who live their religion, in the best possible sense.

Downsized Workers Ministry - Tag Cloud of Crown Of Compassion

Downsized Workers Ministry – Tag Cloud at Crown Of Compassion Ministries

David and Vicki are just such people.

Take a look at this Tag Cloud, and you’ll get a great idea of what Dave and Crown of Compassion Ministries are all about.

The greatest of these words is Love.

Visit them.

Pay it forward.



Noah Nicholas Marker Klein Born May 20, 2014

Welcome to the world, Noah Nicholas Marker Klein

I got promoted!  I’m now a Grandfather.

Noah Nicholas Marker Klein

Noah in Mom’s Room on his Birth Day, with Nathan looking in on his son.

Noah Nicholas Marker Klein promoted me when he was born May 20, 2014.

Thanks to his Mom & Dad, Samantha and Nathan, for being well, doing good work, and introducing the source of the promotion.  🙂

Good getting to know the others who got a promotion from Noah, Jack and Kathleen Marker.  They are, indeed, Grandparents.

Born at 10:02 pm, at Community Memorial Hospital, Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin.  Same place his mom was born.  I believe Noah’s namesake, Nicholas, “Nick” Marker was born there too..

Noah Nicholas Marker Klein name derivations:

According to Wickipedia:

Noah is a given name and surname most likely derived from the Biblical figure Noah (נוֹחַ)in Hebrew. It is most likely of Babylonian and Assyrian origin from the word “nukhu” meaning repose or rest, which is possible in view of the Sumerian/Babylonian source of the flood story. Another explanation says that it is derived from the Hebrew root meaning “to comfort” (nahum) with the final consonant dropped.[1]

Noah is a top 100 name for a boy in the United States. In 2009, the name was the 9th most popular, with 17,061 births. This was the highest rank it has ever been since the Social Security Administration began tracking the data.[2] In 2013 it was the third most popular name for boys in Australia.[3]

Nicholas or Nikolas or Nicolas or Nickolas is a male given name, derived from the Greek name Νικόλαος (Nikolaos), a combination of the words “victory” (νίκη; níkē, nike, however is probably connected with neikos “quarrel, strife,” neikein “to quarrel with” [1]) and “people” (λαός; laós). The name can be understood to mean victory of the people. In addition, “laos” or “λαός” in Greek, originates from the word root “-las”, as found in the word “λα-τομεῑο” meaning “stone” or “rock” (inGreek MythologyDeucalion and Pyrrha recreated the people after they had vanished in a catastrophic deluge, by throwing stones behind their shoulders while they kept marching on). The name became popular through Saint Nicholas, Bishop ofMyra in Lycia, the inspiration for Santa Claus. The customary English version of spelling “Nicholas”, using an “h”, first came into use in the 12th century and has been firmly established since the Reformation, though “Nicolas” is occasionally used. In 2006, Nicholas – and its variations – was the 17th most popular male name given to babies in the United States. Roughly 0.7151% of the baby boys born that year, or 15,414, were given that name. It is decreasing in popularity, from a high in 1997, when 27,248 males in the United States were given the name Nicholas. That year was the most popular year for Nicholas since 1880, when U.S. records were kept for given names.[2]

The Eastern Orthodox Church, the Roman Catholic Church, and the Anglican Churches celebrate Saint Nicholas every year on December 6, which is the name day for “Nicholas”. In Greece, the name and its derivatives are especially popular in maritime regions, as St. Nicholas is considered the protector saint of seafarers.